The Demise of DEI signals the Demise of Human Decency
A strong title? Too strong do you think? Certainty not. And here’s why. This week, and not for the first time, I have experienced the most horrendous abuse on social media for daring to suggest that inclusivity is an important characteristic in a functioning and caring society. Now before you read on, please note this trigger warning because explicit language is about to follow, including threats of sexual violence.
So how did it start? Believe it or not, on a thread showing the official portrait of the First Lady, Melania Trump. This sparked a conversation about Meta, the owners of Facebook and Instagram, compelling users to follow public figures without their consent (which they deny). Within this conversation a man – yes, I’m sorry, but it always seems to be a man, usually white and over 40 – began to spew out the most disgusting bile. I have never once been threatened with a “dry ass f*cking” by a woman – nor, now I come to think of it, has a woman on social media ever called me “an uneducated, dumb ass c*nt” or suggested that I go away and “grow a functional brain dumb c*nt”. It seems this particular man really likes the C-word.
Why am I telling you this? Firstly, because it’s not nice and you should know it’s happening to women everywhere. Secondly, perhaps even more importantly, because you have the power to stop it.
Yes, that’s right – YOU CAN STOP THIS.
I often hear from my male friends that familiar cry of “not all men”. Of course, I know that. I can’t think of any men in my immediate circle who would speak to a woman like this. But would they intervene? This is the question, are these men doing enough? I don’t think so. I simply do not see men intervening when these brutal and frightening exchanges play out on social media.
What usually happens, even with the men I live with, is “oh, just ignore him, stop engaging with him”. But what exactly does “ignoring him” do? It silences me. It doesn’t silence the aggressor, who is threatening me with sexual violence for daring to have an opinion of my own, it makes me quiet. It makes me frightened. It stops me from talking about a subject I actually know a fair bit about.
Truth be told, I’m not known for being quiet, and I’m not about to start that now, but I also can’t pretend this growing trend (and it is growing) isn’t a concern, and it doesn’t upset me. I suspect the literal demise of DEI policy across our globe signals the further demise of human decency with worse to come.
Only one man has ever intervened when I’ve been trolled on social media and stopped to ask if I was ok. Instead, I’ve experienced many scenarios where men proactively join in with the frivolity. On the National Geographic Photography website of all places – how middle England is that? – I was trolled and threatened with rape by several men, who to my knowledge were not otherwise connected. It was a picture of a heron, please tell me how a picture of a heron can descend into threats of sexual violence and rape?
I’ve thought long on hard on that exchange, which was several years ago now, and I just can’t work it out. When I suggested I might report the aggressors to the police it only emboldened them, escalating their behaviour. The pack became so powerful and sexually explicit in their intentions to cause harm to me the only way to stop them was to shore up my privacy settings and delete the very thread that proved their guilt.
Occasionally, the owner of a post will do the decent thing and block and remove the offender who speaks this way. But again, in my experience at least, it’s female post owners who do this. On one occasion I even sent a personal DM to a man who was in a very senior position as legal counsel to suggest he might close the thread down to avoid harm to women. His response? Not his responsibility. I was even told I was threatening his mental health by suggesting he police the content of his contributors.
He could have removed the post, but he did not.
He could have closed the commentary and left the post, but he did not.
He could have responded to the aggressors threatening sexual violence against women contributors, but he did not.
There is no doubt in my mind that we are in a period of societal recalibration, the axis is shifting, and no matter where we find ourselves in this polarised world, we cannot, we should not, allow threats of sexual violence and intimidation into our discourse. It’s not enough to turn away from it, or to tell women to “just stop engaging”. My aggressor has now removed his threats of sexual violence from the thread, but I have copies of them, and he knows that now. I hope he’ll think again before he uses this tactic again, but I’m not optimistic.
My experiences are part of a much broader problem. Social media platforms and governments alike are failing to take responsibility for their online content, and it is driving women off social media and deterring them from speaking freely online. So many of the women I know start a post with the thought “is this really worth the hassle I’m about to unleash?”.
Meta’s decision to remove fact checkers in favour of crowd sourced censorship is not going to reduce this problem. It’s only going to further embolden those who seek to intimidate and silence women. I accept of course, that as women we need to take care of ourselves emotionally and sometimes all we can do is retreat, but ceding space on social justice and women’s issues in particular just doesn’t make any sense. Instead, the solution must be lead by the majority of decent, respectful and thoughtful men, coming out against the very loud minority of men who are threatening their wives, daughters, sisters, mothers.
Next time you see this happen, and I promise you it’s out there in plain sight every day, whether you are male or female, step forward and help to make it stop. A more respectful discourse on who we want to be and how we shape society needs all voices. To help make this a reality please use your voice, use your power, and stop the very real threat of violence, misogyny and the silencing of women on social media.
