"How do you do it all?"​ Let me tell you ....

Recently I’ve spoken at several public speaking events talking about things such as leadership development, executive coaching and social entrepreneurship. No matter the size of the audience, or the subject matter, I am always asked this question, usually, but not exclusively, by women “How do you do it all? How do balance your work and home life?”

One question, two answers

My first answer will not surprise you. I’m sure you would expect me to say I’m a natural problem solver, generally well organised, good at prioritising and goal orientated; I lead a high performing team, I have a dedicated and skilled assistant, I’m not afraid to delegate. My Board are utterly committed to the business and to me. My family are unequivocally supportive of my work, my ambition and purpose in life; there’s true equality in my home. But its only half a truth.

I now have a choice to make .... 

Do I leave it here? Do I allow you to think my life is in apple pie order? No. I cannot. This is the equivalent of airbrushing my photograph to remove the laughter lines around my eyes or the frown line on my forehead.  I would never dream of doing that, it would diminish me, it would be falsehood I couldn’t permit, so I cannot lie when I am asked the question “How do you do it all? How do you balance your work and home life?” 

Running a business, especially a charity, is hugely rewarding, I wouldn’t change it. I’ve learnt so much over the years but I’m not going to tell you it’s been easy. Taking a charity on the brink of insolvency and transforming it into a multi-million pound business, helping hundreds of thousands of people every year with all sorts of challenging problems - everything from attending court as a witness, to a consumer problem, unmanageable debt, housing and the threat of eviction, benefits or family breakdown - is tough. When that business is driven by social purpose, a desire to alleviate poverty and disadvantage, it can feel like a never ending task, an impossible goal, but it is always worthwhile and absolutely impossible to walk away from, it’s a privilege to be part of it.

But .... you've still only got half the story.

The truth? There are some days when my life is full to the brim and at risk of boiling over, there is no tea on the table, we’re eating a takeaway on a Monday evening, there’s no school uniform in the wardrobe so the washing machine is on at midnight, homework is done at the breakfast table; I’ve got deadlines looming, queues of people outside my office door and an in-tray standing as high as me. Not an apple pie in sight.

At other times I’m breezing along, the wheels of industry are turning and everything at home is in its place. I’m flying high, apple pie in hand; everyone in my family is where they need to be and at the right time, the dog has been exercised, the car washed and the grass cut. I might even sneak in a little time to read a book, see a friend, take some exercise or go to the cinema. Life is good. 

But, it’s not fair for me to tell you it’s like that all the time, it would be a lie; unfairly piling on the pressure; no different to a celebrity airbrushing themselves into a bikini two weeks after having a baby – unfair, unreal and unkind.

Forgiveness is the key to work life balance

So, when I am asked the question “How do you do it all? How do you balance your work and home life?” I feel duty bound to tell the truth - some days I achieve apple pie order - other days are tough, overflowing in fact but I’ve learnt to forgive myself for the days when it’s not going as well as I would like, I will not allow myself to take one bad day over in to the next. Tomorrow is always a fresh start.

Success? Well, that's something different

And one final word about work life balance and having it all. Please be very clear about what success means for you. It might be money, and if it is money that's absolutely valid, but I'm guessing - simply because you are reading this article - that's not the whole story for you? Knowing the measure of success for you and your family gives you permission to be kinder to yourself, it makes forgiveness so much easier.

And I hope it gives you comfort to know, despite the occasional late homework or takeaway tea, my children have not grown up to be serial killers, they are happy, they are kind, and contributing to society. For me, that's the true measure of success.